Bisexual Language, Do You Not Know If You’re Gay Or What?

How You Become What Your Family Wants You To Be Without Knowing

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

“The gays ask if you don’t know if you’re gay. I tell them you can’t seem to figure it out.”

I wonder how these friends of my mother react to being referred to as “the gays” in her way of talking. I hear her balk after her statement, but there will never be an apology from my mother. She doesn’t apologize, ever; it’s always your fault for every mistake that happens. If you take something wrongly that she says? Your fault. Yet again.

I don’t want to get into explaining what a bisexual is.

I have been trying to be a person that is palpable for my family for my entire life.

I have been trying to be a person who is sexy and should be teased by a partner for wanting women as well my entire life.

The little digs of “If you find her so cute, why don’t you get her number?” And if I react badly to this stupid ass way of being a complete jackass to me, it’s my fault that I don’t get the “joke” they’re trying to give me.

That my sexuality, and therefore myself, is a joke to them. That I can’t seem to “make up my mind” even if I stupidly…