Didn’t you notice I stopped saying those words to you?

A question that seems too obvious to be asked

MentalDessert

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Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

“Didn’t you notice I stopped saying I love you?”

I wonder if this is a rhetorical question or if it’s just something to be said to hurt me even more.

The person across from me was the same person I’d longed for and wanted, and I thought it was the best thing in the world he chose me. But as soon as the words “I don’t love you anymore. Not like that.” Left his mouth, every bit of attraction, interest, anything left in me dried like a drought.

I know it must still be there, somewhere, but I don’t know where it went.

There’s ringing in my ears and I feel like I left my body once those words were said. The ones of not loving me. I can’t feel my hands and they went numb. I’m aware he’s watching me and I know of these situations. I’m trying to control my reaction even as it comes to me in a tsunami inside me.

I asked him in return if he noticed the increased frequency of how I kept asking if he loved me. I try not to laugh because this situation isn’t funny.

My mind races with what I need to do within twenty four hours. My mind races with the fact I need a new apartment and to get out of the one I’m in because I could never afford it with my job that hasn’t even been calling me in to work lately. The timing is terrible but when is the timing ever right for something like this?

This shit really shouldn’t surprise me. When I tell my mother of what happened, she responds with, “people are shitty, what do you expect?”

I expected something better than this but I’ll make do with what I got, right?

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MentalDessert

I'm unapologetically me with a hard edged view of life. I love to travel and have crazy amounts of fun spaced between quiet moments.