Do You Want To See Me Fuck Myself?
I want to touch myself when I get home. Wine warms my body and my senses. I haven’t felt open to touching myself and actually feeling what I’m doing. I’m aware of my bra barely continuing my tits from exploding out of the lace. I feel the thick cotton against the tops of them that brace against the restriction. I know what it feels like to give in and I haven’t spoken that language to myself in a long time.
Have you ever fucked yourself quick? Fast, hard, dirty, a fuck that helps lull you back to sleep or leave your body a base of twitching nerves? That fuck that relives your anxiety, speaks a language to your body to let go, but not slow?
I undress quick, bra tossed to the side. It’s lace edges that cup outside the cups to give an edge of straps that barely contain the flesh. I know this body but I don’t know it. I’ve allowed it to be known outside me, by his grab of my hips, dragging me back, delivering me to him.
I haven’t delivered this to myself. Burrowed my fingers in my sex to feel its wetness. To feel the moistness and how receptive it is to me delving deeper. I wonder how I’m still wet after wine. Alcohol can cause me to lose the softness, moistness, undertow warmth of what’s inside me.
I explore unsure. Each finger measured, feeling the gentle folds. The velvet softness of my vulva. The enticement of my pussy and its receptiveness to my touch. It wants me. It wants to know me. It wants me to move fingers like an orchestra against it.
I used to know how to play my body like a symphony with fingers alone. Toys took away that connection and I wonder if I can bring it back. If I can take the time to seduce it, get it to submit to me and orgasm without the buzz of something electronic.
Years before I would deny my orgasm. Bring it to the edge, stop it from orgasming, and repeat the process over and over again. Now I’m about efficiency, about time not being spent too long to get the end goal achieved.
I feel inside of me and it feels like home. Warm, velveteen softness, my clit engorges with each stroke. I know I could take the time but I don’t want that. I want to cum. I want to feel the release and buzz…