I Choose A Day Of Freedom Over Captivity

How to escape what you’re trapped in

MentalDessert

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My Photo

Butterflies flutter in and out between us. I stare out into the artificial, man-made rainforest. He stares intently at me. My eyes try to uncover the species that I love the most. The humidity clings to us like a wet blanket draped around our shoulders.

I take a deep, damp breath within my lungs. The serene setting is interrupted occasionally by the screams of school children. I try to make the world fall away like a distant, reverberating hum.

“I need to get out of my relationship. But I don’t know how.”

The air falls into a stillness with my words. My head bows with my admission. I’m within a marriage that we’ve agreed, countless times, that we shouldn’t just keep trying. That there’s nothing left, only scraps, within this relationship for each other.

I know the only way we will both be free is if I move out and we finally have that discussion. It’s like we agree that it’s crumbling apart, yet we keep pretending the words were never said the next day.

It’s my endless Groundhog Day. I try to do what he asks, yet it isn’t enough. I know that a relationship can’t keep going with only one person trying to have the discussion time, and time again.

A gorgeous, neon brilliant colored yellow birdwing lands near us. The large butterfly vibrates it’s wings while it feeds from a tropical flower. I think of my time spent, every week, in this amazing space. There’s times where the outside world looks like a distant, far away thing within the steamy glass.

My closest friend is with me. Our arms nearly touch on the guardrail as we stand facing the rainforest together. He has an inch on me in height but I’ll never admit it. With him I feel like he always asks me the hard questions. He always is the one to uncover what is really ticking beneath my immovable facade.

“Realize what your expenses are. Jot down how much you make and need to make on your own. It’s just the logistics of things you need to figure out,” NY reassures me.

I let out a breath I had been holding. My head turns to look at him. We’re both sweating within this space. Everyone…

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MentalDessert

I'm unapologetically me with a hard edged view of life. I love to travel and have crazy amounts of fun spaced between quiet moments.