How I Learned To Forgive, And It Sucks

There isn’t any easy way about this

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“Just so you know, you’re on the shit list,” my mother would vehemently spit at me.

There were too many people to count on her shit list. Some were on the dead list, which were her relatives. She never apologized for anything she did, even when she physically hurt me. It was always my fault, which translated into that mentality with adulthood.

If it went bad, if I upset someone, whatever the circumstance, it was my fault. Because my code as a human being was set to that of a fuck up.

To see the past for what it was, and the present for what I am is quite impossible at times. It’s incredible to think that despite what was stacked against me, I can find a way to forgive. Because holding onto anger is literally toxic and dims who I am as a person.

I was truly never taught about forgiveness. So, when I came across a recent scenario of being indescribably wronged I did have a decision. Treat this person like they are non-existent, non-entities to me and punish them for what they did to me. Or, somewhat forgive, even though an apology will never happen.

Forgiving is not easy. It’s not something I choose automatically. I want to be angry. The…