When They Say You’re Doing Well And Really I’m Not Okay
It’s funny when friends tell you you’re doing well and you are so much worse. I correct people because not being okay is a part of me. I’m not here to pretend strength when I don’t have it. I’m that person who wants my poetry to strip away pretense until we just say shit. Say how you are. You don’t have to get into the details. But express, “hey, this isn’t a good day, and no, I don’t want to talk about it.”
I’ve been told in work situations that I made people take back their power of saying no. Co-workers would ask about my personal life, am I single was one of my most hated questions, coupled with anything to do with my weight, and I’d tell them the truth. It’s none of your business. I choose not to share this information with you, and you don’t get a right to it just because you asked.
My co-workers hated this part of me. Several even told me my personal life wasn’t that important, and they didn’t understand my privacy. My question back to them is if it isn’t essential, why are you asking me? And getting offended by this boundary, I put up for you not to cross.
Tell Someone Not To Do Something, And They’ll Do It
These obstacles I set for others became trigger points for them to attack. Possible weak parts in my armor for them to poke at and see if they moved. I’ve become much more open with my life over the years because of my poetry. I wrote about experiences I’d never share, so many times it lost its power over me for me not to share it.
The people who respected my boundary without question or without taking it personally became some of the best friends I have now. They knew me not talking about it wasn’t because of them, but rather the truth is that this part of myself is so tender and painful that it works better only to share it with people who respect it and are kind.
Underneath the hardness, the toughness, the humor I have is a shit ton of sensitivity. Everyone who meets me never sees this sensitivity in the daylight. I seem unshakable, resilient, and strong when things that affect me can cut so deep I feel like I can’t breathe from the emotions.